You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
