Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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