Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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