i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
