My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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