Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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