alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
