and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
is that a dick in a sweater?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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