I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
