I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
