Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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