This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
