so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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