omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
