That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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