So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
