so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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