My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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