There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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