You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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