just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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