How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
