You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
