i just google imaged poop.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
