just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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