Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
