Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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