used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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