Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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