You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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