so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
