Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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