I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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