just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
