is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
