Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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