fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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