I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
