I wanna passion pit in your ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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