Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
