In the future we'll all be gay
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
