Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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