Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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