let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
