Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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