I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize