I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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