I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
