o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
