woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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