if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She bit a glass in half.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
