I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
