How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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