i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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