She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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