hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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