He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
