Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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