oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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